Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in strrynght's LiveJournal:

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Monday, October 9th, 2006
4:01 am	So I've definitely had some emotional times going on lately. I had my surgery on Monday and it went pretty well. Sore as hell but that'll pass and I'm just glad I know the tumor is gone and wasn't anything dangerous. My nurse found out I had quit school and was a nursing major at one point and jumped my ass, lol. In recovery she wouldn't even help me out of bed to the bathroom til I'd heard her out, lol..was kinda funny. She gave me a lot to think about though and I've seriously been reconsidering going back for nursing. All I need to do is figure out where and find the money to go. Work has been rough the past couple of days. There was a client from another house who'd been in the hospital for about a month with double pneumonia. She was doing alright and seemed to be taking turns for the better but then this past week took a major turn for the worse and finally passed on Saturday evening. You try not to become attached to many people at your job but its inevitable. You learn to love the people you work with and its like losing a family member. Heather was hilarious. I'd worked with her several times and got to know her like I've gotten to know the rest of the clients in all the homes. It'll definitely be weird going back over there to work and her not be there trying to boss me around, lol. Its definitely a great loss for her family and her family she had at the Epilepsy Foundation. We all loved her so much. Went to Dayton a couple of weeks ago and visited with a lot of people. Mary and Phil let me stay with them for a couple of nights. They're like my second parents and I'm so thankful that even though Paul and I have been apart for so long they're still there for me. I got to play with Betsy who has grown so much it makes me feel really old. She was only either 1 1/2 or 2 years old when I first met her and I've watched her grow up. It just amazes me. Hung out with Emily too and she's really pulled herself together and done so well for herself. She seems to happy and its so good to see her like that, its been a long time since I have seen it. She's going to Sinclair for social work which I think she will do amazing in. It just suits her. She's awesome with people and I've had her counsel before, she's great at it, lol. Got to see Kendra and Jenny too. I've missed them so much, I don't think I even quite realized it. Kendra and I went out to eat at Friday's and just caught up on everything. She's no longer with CJ which is weird for me but I'm happy for her cuz he got to where he just wasn't treating her right and she just didn't deserve that. Jen is doing good and she's coming out of her shell which I'm glad to hear as well, lol. I think she's a lot happier because of it. I'm sad I'm not up there anymore. I don't ever want to go back to WSU but I'd like to be closer to all my friends. Saw Derek and Chrissy too. They just bought a house and its really nice. Seems like a nice neighborhood too; now all they need is 2.5 kids and the backyard fence to be white and they've got the American dream going right there, lol. I'm really happy for them too though, they deserve each other and both seem tremendously happy. It's good to see friends so happy but hard not to be around them. I can't wait to see them all again. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Mountains-- Lonestar (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 16th, 2006
4:55 pm	Updates, Updates.... So its been awhile but honestly I don't anyone much gets on this site anymore but still...My job is going great. I couldn't have asked for a better job. Great pay, great benefits, great work atmosphere, although I'm not crazy about getting beat up some days but its all good. Its a lil hard sometimes though when they're having bad seizure days. I feel bad for them cuz you can just tell that it hurts them by the looks on their faces and they can't convey that to you either. Shay and Tracy have another one on the way. It's due in November but they don't know what they're having yet. Lil man is doing great, smart as can be. He's 17 months old now and actually talks quite well. Has been walking since he was 9 months old, he matured really fast for a lil one. Faster than any I've ever seen. I only get to see him on the weekends but every one I do he just amazes me. He's really into this Wiggles kick which I think is great. I love the Wiggles because they're just so good for little kids I think. Its so funny to sit and just watch him dance and sing. He knows almost all of the moves to their songs and can just keep you entertained for hours him watching them while you watch him, lol. Its great. Rhiannon and I went out last night to celebrate my birthday. I got fairly drunk, was definitely fun. I don't get to drink much anymore, I either hardly ever have the time or no one to go out and drink with. I'm not big on drinking by myself so I just skip it altogether most of the time. It happens though I guess. We went to O'Charley's for some drinks and then headed to the bowling alley. That's like becoming our drinking ritual. I don't know what I'm gonna do when she goes back to school, lol. I'll have to find a new DD, lol. Derek and Chrissy came down to visit yesterday. We went out to eat and then did the go-karts. That was a lot of fun. I hadn't done that since I dated Matt last year so its been awhile. Derek won but I say it was by default cuz he got a headstart on me and Chrissy, he was like 3 cars in front of us so ya know. That doesn't matter though so who's complaining? lol...It was a really fun day though. I just wish this humidity would go away!! What's up with that?! I love the summer but this is just way too much for me, I'm so hot I don't wanna get up and do anything and its worse if I have to stay out at the lake while its like this. Hopefully I won't have to tonight. Current Mood: hot Current Music: Its Getting Hot In Here -- Nelly (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
12:36 am	So I've been home for awhile now and figured it was time I finally updated. Shay and Tracy got married on Nov. 26th so I now officially have a sister-in-law. Its weird but kinda the same...I don't know how to explain it really. It was a nice ceremony though and the baby slept through it which was even better, lol. I went today for a job interview downtown. I have to pass a physical and drug test and I've got the job. Its at the Epilepsy Council. They have 4 group homes in Clermont county that I would be working at. Its doing almost the same thing I was doing up at school only these people have some sort of mental disability. They're assisted living homes and we would be helping them to overcome some obstacle or obstacles that are keeping them from living on their own. Its seems like a fun job really, rough sometimes definitely, but fun over all. It starts at $9.50/hr which is pretty damn good. A lot better than any job I've had before and it also offers benefits which I'm totally excited about. I really need them now that since I'm not a student I'm not on Mom's insurance anymore. I go tomorrow for the physical and drug test and I start training on Jan. 23rd. I can't wait to do it all though, I need something to get me out of the house. Chrissy came and visited me before Christmas. That was fun. We went out and had a drink with Rhiannon. I'm so glad they liked each other. Rhiannon's my best friend so I'm glad she likes my other friends...means I can take her up there and know she'll feel at home and same if my Dayton friends come down here. Speaking of Rhiannon, I was DD for her and Mark last Wednesday. We went down to Northern Kentucky for their friend Christine's bday. All I have to say is, it was an interesting night. I had fun though for the most part so it's all good. Sad that that's all that's happened to me since I've been home I know. It happens though, everyone needs some downtime and I really needed it to get used to being back home. This is the first time in 4 years I haven't been at school right now. Its definitely a whole new situation to deal with and takes some getting used to. I'm getting through it though...go me. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Ohio Is For Lovers -- Hawthorne Heights (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
1:21 am	I just have one thing to say...I hate liars. Liars are the root of all evil in the world and when people wonder why I want nothing to do with them, more than likely its because of that. Ya'll who know me should fucking know that. Seriously, why would I have jack shit to do with you when you lie to me. I'm sure you can figure out who you are, I don't think you're that dumb of a person but who knows. People surprise you everyday. And one person who lied to me, I would have never expected that from you in a million years. I hope things turn out well with you, I wish you the best in life but damn...you gotta work on that lying shit otherwise life is gonna kick your ass. Karma is a bitch my friend, always remember that. With that being said, I only have til Friday left here. It's gonna be weird not being up here anymore but I think I can make a better life back home. I don't feel like I'm really getting anywhere here and Wright State sooo fucked me over its not even funny. I don't want to leave my friends here but I want away from this place so bad. I'm just not happy here. I'm seriously thinking of taking EMT courses starting next fall, not entirely sure yet though. I've always thought of doing it but I don't really know if I can handle it or not. I guess we'll see. Its amazing how things in life never work out the way you expected them too though ya know. I really learned a lot from that whole Matt thing. People aren't always who they want you to believe them to be. I thought he was a great guy til he showed what I guess is his true colors. I don't know, its hard for me to believe that's the person I began to care about but I guess it is. I learned a lesson though and that's all that matters. I'll carry it with me through my whole life and it'll keep me from making the same mistakes over again. I don't regret anything I've done because it all happens for a reason. Its made me a better person because I'll never treat anyone that way ever, it really hurts. At least I can credit him for me being who I am now, I changed after him. I think who I am now is a lot better than who I was before. All my friends and even my family noticed it and they seem to think its a better me so I'm just gonna go with what they say. Its all good though, I'm happy now. I'm moving in a new direction and its the best thing I've ever done in my life. Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself To wake myself I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through my life It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion But still somehow, slowly goin' numb inside I don't like who I'm becomin' I know I've got to do somethin' Before my life passes right by I wanna cry like the rain, cry like the rain Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin' Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin' Fight with the devil and go down swingin' Fly like a bird, roll like a stone Love like I ain't afraid to be alone Take everything that this world has to give I wanna live Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard To guard my heart Well, I hardly feel anything at all I've spent my whole life building up this ivory tower Now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall So I could feel the ground beneath me Really taste this air I'm breathin' And know that I'm alive I wanna cry like the rain, cry like the rain Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin' Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin' Fight with the devil and go down swingin' Fly like a bird, roll like a stone Love like I ain't afraid to be alone Take everything that this world has to give I wanna live I wanna live Something deep inside keeps saying life is like a vapor It's gone in just the twinklin' of an eye I wanna cry like the rain, cry like the rain Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin' Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin' Fight with the devil and go down swingin' Fly like a bird, roll like a stone Love like I ain't afraid to be alone Take everything that this world has to give I wanna take every breath i can get I wanna live Yeah, yeah Boy, I love that song... Current Mood: determined Current Music: Josh Gracin-- I Want To Live (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
11:57 pm	Go me... So I should have known this would happen. It always does. There's something going on, I just can't fully put my finger on it. Someone isn't being honest with me and its really sad when I can't even figure out which one that is. I guess I am just that easy to take advantage of. Go me... Current Mood: pissed off (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 9th, 2005
12:51 am	? Is crying ever the answer? How do you know when its time to say "I give up" or " I can't do this anymore?" You want to keep trucking cuz you tell yourself that you're stronger than that but somewhere in your head you're hearing this voice asking, "Who are you fooling?" What do you do? When do you know you've found your right answer? Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
9:11 pm	There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of, because when you put a face on it you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it. Think about it. Good advice Jen!! (Comment on this)
9:07 pm	:( Issues, issues, issues.....boy do I have the worst luck in the world. Nothing in any aspect of my life can go right can it? I need help, I need out of here....I'm lost. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 28th, 2005
4:04 am	When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong When a guy looks at you with eyes full of questions, he expects you to leave him soon When a guy says "Im Fine" after a few minutes, he means it When a guy stares at you, he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world When your laying your head on a guy's chest, he has the world When a guy calls you everyday, he is in love When a (good) guy says he loves you, he means it When a guy says he can't live without you, he's with you til you're done When a guy says I miss you, he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else GIRL FACTS When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, She is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be her's forever. When a GIRL calls you everyday, She wants you. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She's head over heels for you. When a GIRL says "I love you", She means it. When a GIRL says that she can't live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future. When a GIRL says "I miss you", No one in this world can miss you more than that <3 Wonder if it's true....What do you think?? Current Mood: surprised Current Music: Because Of You ~~ Lila McCann (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
3:20 am	Fun Times... Well, I've been home almost a month already but it really doesn't seem like it's been that long. Time has just flown by. The weeks seem to go kinda slow but when I look back its fairly fast and the weekends always go way too fast. Weekends are the only time I get to see Matt. A couple of weeks ago we went camping at Hueston Woods with his cousins Zack and Chris. I had a blast. They are hilarious when they're all together. As Matt puts it, they're a trio and he's really not kidding. They kept me laughing the entire time. We went fishing, of course I caught the most fish. Matt told me it was just luck but he was just trying to make himself feel better, lol. After camping I went back to his house and met his family. I like them, they're pretty nice. We went out to eat after that at Acapulco. Of course, he made me try something new so I got a chicken salad thing and surprisingly enough I really liked it. I'm getting kinda tired of this whole him being right about things like that though, lol. He is breaking me of my pickiness though and that's a good thing I suppose. He drove out this past weekend too and spent the night with me. Fun times there. We just hung out and watched movies. I really like spending time with him and I feel really comfortable around him. I feel like I can tell him just about anything and that's really good. I don't really trust many people enough to tell them a lot, especially very quickly but somehow he slipped through the cracks. Go him, lol. I'm really glad I met him though. He's a great guy and we get along really well. I think I'm going to spend this next weekend with him. Don't know how its all gonna work yet but we'll figure something out I'm sure. Can't wait, its gonna be fun times I'm sure. :) Current Mood: happy Current Music: With You -- Jessica Simpson (Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
8:55 pm	So finals week is upon us and I'm am totally bored out of my mind. I don't know what to do with myself. I work here and there and don't have any exams until Wednesday. I hate how exam week plays out sometimes. I would rather have had all my exams today and then I could go home earlier, that would have been so much better. So I had another great weekend here, lol. Matt came up on Friday and spent the night again. We went to Red Lobster to eat and he's on this kick about making me try new foods. Okay, I'm like the pickiest person you'll ever meet so this was interesting, lol. I finally tried some garlic cheese biscuits which were pretty good and some rice pilaf which was not so good. It was alright but I'm not really a rice person to begin with so ya know...After dinner we stopped and got some alcohol and brought it back here. We were gonna watch a movie but ended up going outside and drinking. We sat on the tailgate of his truck and listened to music for a long time. I don't even know how long it was because after like my 3rd cup of ghetto romance I was starting to get a lil drunk, lol. It was really nice though, we sat and talked and watched the sky for a little while. He held me and kissed me and did all the sweet things that Matt does, lol. We slept in the living room since Ginger had Kyra here for the night and we talked for a really long time. The more I talk to him the more I like about him and want to get to know him better. He makes me laugh and I absolutely love spending time with him. I look forward to talking to him everyday and can't wait til I get to see him again. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Let's Give Them Something To Talk About - Bonnie Raitt (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
4:09 pm	Another New Beginning... Okay, so the problems I was having are now over. I guess they sorta fixed themselves. I don't know, there's no changing things now and what happens is meant to happen. I'll live, I always do. On a happier note I did have an awesome weekend. Matt came and we hung out Saturday and part of Sunday. Yeah so obviously I'm really crushing on him. It happens, lol. There's just something about him though. Like, he's very shy with things and he makes sure that something is definitely okay before he tries it. It took him almost a whole movie to put his arm around me, lol. Its really cool though and I really like that he's like that. I love when he holds me too because he makes me feel safe. He's really sweet about things...he holds my hand, brushes my hair out of my eyes and touches my face which I absolutely love. Its just nice is all. He said he liked me too but I don't know how much. I do really like him though and hopefully we can see more of each other here soon. Guess we'll just have to wait and see and you all know how impatient I am, lol....oh well. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Hope - Twista (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
3:21 am	No good... What do you do when no matter what you say, what you do or are willing to do...you just aren't good enough? I can't figure it out. I don't know how to deal with this, I've never hurt over someone like this before. I know I'm loved and they want me but they don't want me. It's complicated...I can't explain it. Well, I can but don't really want to right now. But someone help, seriously what do you do?? Current Mood: sad Current Music: I Will Always Love You -- Whitney Houston (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 21st, 2005
4:39 am	The day you wake up and realize you love her will be the day she wakes up next to someone who already knew... I love this quote, it holds so much power... It'll happen, one day he'll realize what a great thing he lost and then what's he gonna do? Current Mood: lonely Current Music: I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry - Hank Williams Sr. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 8th, 2005
10:58 pm	Water You are 44% Extroverted and 34% Chaotic Virtue - Water people exhibit benevolence. These type people are charitable, have a kindly disposition and promote goodwill. They are concerned with the welfare of others. Where other people are concerned they are kind, generous and philanthropic. They seldom harbor hostility. They derive pleasure from doing good deeds. Core - They are cooperative, companionable, hospitable and socialable. They are true humanitarians and are concerned with the welfare of other people. They are called servants or servers because of their unselfishness and sincere devotion to the welfare of humanity. They unconditionally come to the aid of the sick and the unfortunate just as they would for one of their own family, and most often ask nothing in return. Nature - They have strong feelings and sensibilities. They tend to make decisions based on their emotions rather than by reason. Although they are emotional in nature, they do not outwardly express it. Their feelings are hurt easily but they tend to not let it show. Drives - They are deeply concerned about the welfare of their friends and family. They also care about what other people think and say about them. An insensitive remark from someone can hurt their feelings deeply, although they may not show it. They give of themselves and their material possessions freely to help a less-advantaged person gain confidence and stature. They will go all out where close friends or family is concerned. It is not easy to make friends with a them because they are skeptical and naturally shy. They will be generous and kind to a certain point, but when you gain their confidence you will have an all-weather friend who will stand by you through your struggles. Vice - They will suppress the truth by words, writing and conduct to do damage to another. This is not spite. This is their non-violent way of getting their revenge. Milder cases include stretching the truth a little, not exactly untrue but not the real truth. They are emotional people and tend to get carried away in the heat of a situation. These people are not prone to physical violence normally, but being of an emotional nature and having the tendency to let things build up inside them, they can become extremely abusive. My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 17% on Extroverted You scored higher than 83% on Chaotic Link: The Which Element Are You? Test written by daemongod81485 on Ok Cupid (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
9:24 pm	Its amazing how many curve balls life can throw at you. Things never turn out the way you expect them to. We may have a choice at how our life is run but we don't have a choice at how it turns out. Destiny rules the roost here. I truly believe God has our lives planned out for us. No matter what, we end up following his plan in the end. We are the flock and He is the shepherd. He has the power. I'm going home tomorrow and I can't wait. I want to spend time with my family. I want to see the baby again too. He's so amazing...he's so little but he has his own personality already. He's a little person and it just blows me away. He makes me anxious to have my own kids but that's not going to be for awhile. I think now in my life school needs to come first. I want to provide better for my children than what my parents could for me and Shay and Tracy will be able to provide for their lil one. I want Dave and I to be entirely stable before any of that happens. Every relationship has its problems and we're both still young. We need to take the time to focus on our relationship before we start a family of our own. I know I love him and I want him forever but right now my schooling and our relationship need to share the front seat for awhile. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Hero--Mariah Carey (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 17th, 2005
4:27 pm	Soon Enough... Well, its been a long month since I last wrote. Brandon was finally born on the 6th. He is the most beautiful baby, he looks just like Shay did when he was a baby. I went home and saw him the night he was born and then went to the hospital the next day and spent 5 hours just holding and talking to him. I'm really proud of how Shay and Tracy are handling things with him too. Its amazing how things can change your life so drastically. I know they're gonna be good parents. Its still weird to think about my baby brother as a father now but I'll get used to it eventually. After seeing him all I could think about was getting my degree so I could get out of this place and finally start a life of my own. I want children so badly and as I've said so many times before, if it hadn't been drilled into my head that I had to come to college, I wouldn't be here. I'm glad I am though, I'll be able to care for my family so much better once I do have a degree. All the hard work is worth it and I know soon enough I'll be able to have that in my life. Another major thing, Dave and I are back together as of the 12th. I am so glad I have him in my life. He makes me feel like everything I've ever went through in my life has all been worthwhile. No matter how down or upset I get, he can always make it better. He wants to come here til I graduate and then wants me to move to Kansas with him. I know how much he loves and cares for me and its one of the best feelings in the world. I feel like I've finally found where I belong and its right by him. We just have this connection that I've never felt with anyone else before. His mother on the other hand feels that I'm just messing with his head. Now seriously, why would I mess with his head when he's all the way in Kansas? If I was out for money or sex its not like I couldn't find that here in Ohio. I don't think this woman has thought about any of this like at all. She absolutely hates me too and hasn't even uttered one word to me. She's doing everything she can to keep Dave from being able to come here. She tooks his phone from him yesterday b/c he calls me. She's going to any length she has to to keep him there. Its really starting to get annoying but honestly I'm not very worried at all. I don't like the fact that she hates me but I really do feel like Dave and I are meant to be together and what's meant to be will always find a way. I know our way is coming, if we both want it bad enough we'll find a way. We love each other and I know soon enough I'll have him in my life for good. Work has been so hectic. I'm getting so stressed out from everything. Jackie didn't really realize how important it was to have back ups but I think she's starting to get the message. We told her for over a month to start looking for some and she never did. Well her one pa Sireesha quit, Shamala is giving her shit now b/c she thinks the whole damn world revolves around her dumb ass, Ginger is quitting on the 27th and I'm quitting at the end of the quarter. Jackie is just too much for me to handle anymore. She constantly lies, thinks you should be responsible for everything for her and I just can't take it. All the pressure is getting to me so bad my blood pressure is through the roof. They're wanting to monitor me for about a month and if it doesn't calm down I suppose I'm going on medication. I really don't want to do that but I will if I have to. The doctor said I was gonna have a heartattack by the time I'm 21 if it doesn't chill out and honestly, I don't want to stick it out and see if she's right. I'd rather just nip it in the bud now and not have to worry about it later so I feel quitting Jackie altogether is my best bet. I'm still taking care of Alyson and Jenny though and I'm a back up for Becca and Julia. I think with my schedule that's more than enough to have on my plate at any one time. Hopefully Dave can still come spring break too and then he'll be here for next quarter too and that will make things even more hectic so yeah, its just to the point of dropping at least Jackie has to be done. There's only like 3 weeks til then now so soon enough, things will be better around here. Soon enough... Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: This Magic Moment--The Drifters (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
12:33 am	Love Is A Battlefield.... Dave and I had a really good talk tonight. I realized that a lot of our issues aren't quite what I had thought. I knew he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but he gave me the impression that he would be soon enough. He still doesn't know and I'm fine with that. I really don't want to but I guess I have to make myself get over him...at least somewhat. I want more than anything to be with him and he wants to be with me too. He said he wants me really bad but he's just not ready and I really have to commend him on breaking up with me as weird as that is to say. He was looking out for me. He does have a point, I would be a lot more hurt if he stayed with me and did something than I was with him just breaking up with me. We are still friends and if we're never together again I hope we can be friends for a very long time. He has been such a huge part of my life for awhile now and he means the world to me. I value his opinions and feelings and I take everything he says seriously. He helped me realize that I want to change my major and that I'd be a lot happier working with disabled people than just being a regular nurse. He's talked me out of a great many depressions...some he's caused but most he hasn't. No matter if we were having a fight or fine he has always been there for me. I really think he made an adult decision and I'm proud of him for it. It's time for me to start thinking about myself more. I always put him before me and he didn't like that too much. He said it wasn't good for me. Yeah okay, so maybe it isn't but I'm not really hurting myself b/c I know if something really isn't good for me I won't mess with it but it is something worth looking into changing. He still wants to come see me and he still wants to give me my gift. All he kept saying was that he's sorry...I don't want him to be sorry though. I know that feelings aren't supposed to be helped otherwise God would have given us the power to control them. Same goes for our hearts, if we can control who we love then its not really meant to be right? We aren't supposed to be able to help who we love, sometimes it would be a convenience but this isn't a luxury we humans have. Honestly, it isn't a luxury I really want. That's what keeps my love pure, I can't just stop it on a whim. I'm torn between feeling like I just want to cry and just lay down and not get up for days b/c in reality I've lost my Dave. I know he's still there and I didn't really lose him but there's no longer a security there to where I know he'll be with me. At the same time though I feel ecstatic b/c I know why he did what he did and that its all because he loves me. He tried to save my heart. He did everything he could to keep me from hurting and I know that he'll always be there for me. While apart we are still together. A connection that has yet to be nor will it ever be broken. A love that will pass the test of time and somewhere, always will I know that once and forever I am truly, deeply loved. Current Mood: content Current Music: Whiteflag - Dido (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
3:31 pm	Coincidence...?? You Are 69% Pure! 0 - 19% Pure: If you haven't tried it, it probably hasn't been invented yet. 20 - 39% Pure: You haven't every kinky thing in the world, but you aim to! 40 - 59% Pure: You're a bit of a closet pervert. Who knows what else is in your closet? ;-) 60 - 79% Pure: There's a wild beast in you... somewhere. Let it free 80 - 100% Pure: You're not as innocent as you look - but still pretty innocent! How Pure Are You? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
9:18 pm	Ups and Downs...That's How The World Goes Round So Dave and I broke up on the 6th. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship as serious as this one was going. I understand that, he's considerably younger than I am but it still hurts more than I could ever imagine. We're still friends though and I'd much rather have that than not have him in my life at all. I really do love him and I only want what's best for him and what will make him happy. I haven't heard from him in a few days though and I'm absolutely terrified. He got into some trouble and I know something really bad happened. I told him that I loved him and he didn't say it back...said he wanted to but didn't know. I just hope he's alright. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him in my life. He's been such a big part of it for so many years now and he means so much to me. He's my best friend...I need him. School is going okay so far but granted its only the second week, lol. It didn't start out so well with the Dave thing but its slowly getting better. I've decided that I'm changing my major. Its now going to be psychology with a minor in rehabilitation services. Working with Jackie and everyone else has really made me realize that I'd be much happier doing that kind of work. Its so much more rewarding I think. Even though I've always thought of being a nurse and its a great profession, this just seems more fitting to me now considering what I do. It will get me out of here a lot sooner too and that's always a plus. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with who I am now. I feel like my life is finally going in the direction that it should have been in a long time ago. I feel like my classes are gonna be fine this quarter and straight A's or close too doesn't seem like such a distant goal anymore. History seems easy enough since I've been through it before, psych 391 is hard but I think if I study my little ass off I'll make it and nutrition is so boring but shouldn't be very hard. I finally feel like my feet are lifting off the ground and I'm finally gonna make it somewhere. Its such a great feeling. Current Mood: worried Current Music: I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders (for Dave) (Comment on this)